Saturday, June 18, 2011

PK Field is a Creep

PK:  I love using google earth street view to try and look in ppls windows online, its the best way to peep from the comfort of home without the likelihood of getting caught and being forced to register as a sex offender.

Man, I got creepy friends....

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Early Bird & Crossdressing men

     So my wife and I went out to a local resturaunt for the Early Bird Special, since apparently we are now 65 years old. It's not a bad deal when you think of it, an entree, coffee, soup or salad and vegitable or pasta and it includes a dessert. So it cost us about $28 for the two of us. The greatest thing about the early bird is there are no children. No one crawling on the floor near your feet, or crying babies, no sir, just nice old people who talk about the weather and Wheel of Fortune. They know exactly what they want, they eat and they get the hell out, of course they have to be home for the news and before it gets dark cause they can't see so good in the dark and if they have another accident thier kids will take away thier license and give the car to some ugreatful punk grandchild who's just gonna beat the thing....but I digress.
     So as we are getting ready to enjoy our meal I happen to notice that in the booth across from us is what at appears to be a giant woman, or so you would think if it were dark out and you had on sunglasses and he/she was standing in the shadow of an umbrella 50 feet away. He/She seems to be sitting across from what may be a woman. Alas it is not. I guess they travel in pairs. Now the Giant has terrible make up and a cheap wig, but his fella/lady friend has a high class Tootsie style wig. For those of you who don't know what Tootsie is here is what you need to know : It's a movie where Dustin Hofmann dresses like a woman. So Tootsie and Giant finish up thier meal and stumble out on thier high heels into the night....Gotta love the Early Bird Specials...

Friday, November 26, 2010

This Tastes Like Mint......

This is the kind of games we play around here....... Steve Keenan booby trapped some Oreo Cookies. He took the delicious sweet filling out and replaced it, with minty fresh tooth paste. For two whole days he lied in wait. Delicately choosing which sweet snacks he would indulge in as he waited so to not commit Trapped Oreo Suicide. Like a patient hunter he waited for his prey. Then opportunity struck, equipped with an open package of Oreos he stood poised as he held them out as an open invitation to anyone who would like one. Of course I took the bait, who can refuse the sweet chocolaty goodness of Double Stuffed Oreos? Not I. As I ate the first one something was amiss about the stale, somewhat soggy cookie wafers, but it yielded a strange sweetness. Without second though or hesitation I helped myself to another, as did another victim, an innocent casualty of this war. Something was off...

Me: Why does this taste like mint? The other one didn't,  did it get shipped with soap or something?"
Steve: "That must be one of the ones I filled with tooth paste, Got you mutha fucka."

That’s the kind of games we play around here.....

Thursday, September 30, 2010

I just ask a little courtesy....

If you are so self conscious, or homophobic, or you need to hide the fact you got a little tally wacker that when you go into the latrine to take a piss you piss in a toilet stall and not a urinal please follow these simple rules:

1. Lift the seat
2. If you can't follow rule 1 at least wipe the piss dribble off the seat for the next guy.

Don't cut your toe nails while shitting. while this is a great way to save time it's still kinda weird, so knock that shit off.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Wisdom from Brian

Brian : "Man I can't wait to get out of here, go to Canada and commit a bunch of hate crimes."

Monday, August 23, 2010

Lion 1 Midgets 0

So my buddy showed me this awsome story yesterday. Apparently in Cambodia they had 42 midget wrestlers fight an African Lion. The klassy government of Cambodia allowed this to take place if they got 50% of the take from ticket sales and no cameras would be allowed (a poor decision, but I'll talk more on that later). As one may be able to guess by the posts title, the lion won. In his wake he left 28 midgets dead and maimed 14 others, most of them missing limbs. Now call me crazy,  I dont think it's a good idea to start, but after I saw the first, ohh, 6 guys get mauled to death I probably would have come to the conclusion this was a bad idea and left. Bottom line, if your not tall enough to ride Space Mountain, your not beating a fuckin lion.
On to the short falls of the Cambodian government :

1. Instead of not allowing cameras, they should have broad cast it on pay-per-veiw. MONEY!
2. An activity such as this would create revenew from souviniers and for hotdog vendors. MONEY!
3. Unemployment claims for midgets would be nearly non-existant. MONEY!
4. Who wouldn't want to see this? Who I ask you? MONEY!
5. Events like this would also help control the population of midgets that is spiraling out of control. MONEY!

*FLASH- this just in : the original story is reported as a hoax, but I don't care. This would still be AWESOME and should definately happen.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Kuwait A/C AIDS

So we have finally figured out what all these little hair like particles we find on our desk is. ASBESTOS. Yum. We found this out by having chunks of asbestos blow through the air conditioning vent in our office. Some chunks were to big to pass through. So after shutting off the A/c in the smooth 118 degree heat of the day, we awaited our dear friend Hadji to come along and clean that shit out. Hadji did his job, power washed the unit and turned the A/c back on and now we are all cool and itchy. I am pretty sure I'll develop some kind of AIDS from breathing this crap in for the past months. my only question is who the hell puts asbestos in air conditioning ducts? Stupid Kuwaitis who want us to get AIDS, thats who.
  On an unrelated note, for some reason all the tabs to put this post online were in Chicken (that is what we call the scribble like writing of the indiginous people). So I am pretty proud of myself for successfuly navigating through Chicken to figure out how to post this. Perhaps that is why things are so messed up around here, they can't read that crap either.